Insecurities

I nearly just ended one of the few good things in my life right now because I have insecurity issues which I can thank my ex's for. So far I really haven't had too many issues with the things my boyfriend does because I do trust him, I just might not always be thrilled with them. Just a little while ago he told me he was going to go to the Halloween party tomorrow that someone we used to work with was having which I never had any intentions on going to because I don't wanna be around all the young and immature people that are going to be there. I honestly didn't think he was going to go considering he has his daughter right now and I don't know, I just didn't think he was going. I don't know why him going to this party bothers me so much when I was fine with him going to Bud Bash a couple months ago, but it does. I guess the biggest issue I have is that in the past he's cheated on his girlfriends which I honestly don't think he'd do to me, but years ago I was with someone that cheated on me all the time so I have a fear of that happening again.

I don't doubt that he loves me and wouldn't do anything that could hurt me, but the fear is still there. In past relationships or when just dating someone, I end it with them before I have the chance to get too attached. For me it's just easier to break it off and move on rather than sticking it out and risk them hurting me in some way. With my boyfriend I've stepped out of my comfort level to see where it will lead because he's more than worth the risk, but sometimes that isn't enough. Just knowing the people he'll be with tomorrow and how they treat girls or their girlfriends is enough to make me want to end it just for my own sanity. I know it's not fair that I'm taking my worries out on him, but pushing guys away is how I protect myself from the chance of being hurt. Either he'll be strong enough to keep me from pushing him away or he won't. Right now it seems like it could go either way, but for what it's worth, I'm rooting for him.

Morning People!

I don't know how people manage to get up and around for the day by 9:00am when they don't have to work. It's going on noon and I still can't manage to wake up and get around for the day. It takes all the small amount of energy I have to get my butt up and walk to the shower, and not to mention figuring what I wanna wear for the day. I know I'm a girl, but I really don't care for the outfit decision part; it is not enjoyable. Just like some people have a little captain in them, I need a little morning in me.

Writers block

So I've been trying to keep my focus on writing again, but this time it's a little more difficult than it was before. I have three projects in the works and very few ideas to keep them going. I think for the most part I don't have the frustration I had before when it came to guys which let me just let loose on the computer or maybe the first time writing was just the easiest to do. Whatever reason it is that I just can't get out on paper what I'm wanting to is just annoying. If anyone has dating disaster stories they wanna share, feel free cause I could use all the inspiration possible right now.